Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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