miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
How many fucks given?
0.12846
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
