I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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