You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
