remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
