I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Sorry about my life...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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