woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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