Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
my poor anus
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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