I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
