i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
