I think i sorta joined a cult last night
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
