I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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