This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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