and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
