I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
