he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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