She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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