do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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