It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Don't tell me you're on acid again
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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