Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
