Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
