if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
