i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
