I only kidnapped one of them. chill
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
