My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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