your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
