Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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