What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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