Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
