He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
