He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
