Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
