I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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