doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
