there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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