u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
