drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
