my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
