I need to stop coming to work sober
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
