i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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