I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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