I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
