I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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