What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
