The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
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