my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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