oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
