You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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