Swine flu is the new snow day.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
