were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
