Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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